I need to work on my PMA.  What is that, you might ask?  Well, it’s my Positive Mental Attitude.  I know it sounds like some sort of corporate catch-phrase, but the first time I heard it was actually when I was at camp in something like the 4th or 5th grade.  Anyhow, lately mine has sucked and I need to get a handle on it.  Sleep lately has been hard to achieve, Bubba hasn’t been sleeping well and Bean has been sick, so as a result, Mommy has been like a creature out of Night of the Living Dead.  I have good days, but somehow I tend to screw them up with my bad attitude and end up angry with Bean, frustrated with Bubba and just pretty much ignore Hubby.  Not good.  For the longest time I have been blaming everyone but myself.  Bean has been a brat, so of course I’m getting angry with her.  Bubba hasn’t been sleeping, so of course I’m tired and cranky.  And really, I only have so much “nurture” in me, so by the time Hubby gets home, there’s really nothing left for him.  Besides, he’s a grown man and can fend for himself.  These things are all valid, but I think I can do better.

Maybe Bean is being more of a brat because I have been more of a bitch.  Yes, I said it, I’ve been a big ol’ bitch lately!  My temper is short and I’m quick to snap at my daughter.  Why should she have a PMA if it’s not being modelled for her?  So, I’m going to try and be more pleasant to her and see where that gets me.  She’s been really whiney and cries for stupid reasons and I think maybe it’s just because she wants attention and at this point, she’ll take whatever kind of attention she can get.  Poor kid!  This one will take some work because she’s certainly learned how to push my buttons lately, but I think we can get back to our good relationship.

As far as Bubba and my lack of sleep, well, there’s not a whole lot I can do there, but last night was a great night (10 hours of sleep for him!) so I’m hoping we’re turning a corner.  But, if not, I just have to suck it up and use a little Mind Over Matter.  If I don’t mind, it won’t matter.  Right?  I know, easier said than done, but I can’t walk around cranky all the time!

So, today I am working on my PMA, which is beginning with getting my house a bit more in order.  Over the past month or so I’ve really let things go.  It’s not dirty, I have a housekeeper that takes care of that, but it is untidy, which is my job.  So, today I’m going to work on getting things together.  When my house is cluttered and disorganized, it reflects in my general sense of well-being and can make me feel like things are spiralling out of control, even if they aren’t really.  Today is a good day to start since I am more rested and feeling better, so if I can get a lot done, it will make the next time that I’m not so rested easier to deal with.  That’s the plan at least!

Today I am going to go room by room in my house and get things tidy.  Each room that I finish will be treated like a little victory in my head.  Instead of saying to myself, “damn, I have X number of rooms left to go!”, I will take joy in the fact that a new room is done!  So far today, I have gotten the kitchen cleaned and tidy.  It looks wonderful and makes me happy.  I also took down the tent that has been up in our soon-to-be  piano room (formerly the pool table room) and put away the multitudes of toys that Bean had stockpiled in there.  Then I moved on to the playroom.  Three rooms in my house are clean and organized!  How cool is that!  Plus, Bubba is down for a nap!  Maybe I’ll take a minute or two to knit….after I clean one more room!

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